Psychotherapy Blog
Insights on Therapy, Relationships, and Emotional Life
I’m Andrea Crapanzano, Ph.D., a San Francisco psychologist and psychodynamic psychotherapist. Here I write about relationships, identity, men’s mental health, young adulthood, LGBTQ+ experiences, and the recurring emotional patterns that shape how we understand ourselves and connect with others.
Why Do I Take Everything So Personally? Understanding Cristicism, Shame, and Self-Worth in Men
Criticism can sometimes feel like a judgment of who we are, rather than something we've done. Understanding the shame and vulnerability beneath defensiveness can change how we experience ourselves and our relationships.
Why Do I Feel Like I’m Performing Instead of Being Myself?
You may be confident, sociable, and successful while privately feeling that you're performing a version of yourself. Sometimes the difficulty isn't knowing how to connect with others, but feeling free to be yourself within those relationships.
Why Do I Feel Guilty When I Put Myself First?
Putting yourself first can feel surprisingly difficult, especially when someone you care about is disappointed. Sometimes guilt reflects more than the decision itself—it reveals longstanding expectations about love, responsibility, and independence.
I’m Out, So Why Do I Feel Like I’m Hiding?
Coming out can change who knows you, but it doesn’t always undo the experience of hiding. Sometimes the harder work is learning how to feel fully known.
We Love Each Other, So Why Isn’t Our Relationship Working?
Love can remain strong even when a relationship feels stuck. Sometimes the problem is not how much two people care, but the patterns that develop between them.
You Don’t Have to Be in Crisis to Start Therapy
Therapy doesn’t have to begin with a crisis. Sometimes it begins with recognizing that the way you’ve been living no longer feels sufficient.
Why Do I Keep Repeating the Same Patterns Even When I Understand Them?
Understanding a pattern is one thing—but what happens when insight alone isn’t enough to change it?
Why Do I Feel Numb Instead of Sad?
Why do some men feel emotionally numb instead of sad, even when they know something is hurting beneath the surface?
“I Should Be Able to Handle This Myself”: Why Men Struggle to Ask for Help
Why do so many men feel they should be able to handle everything themselves, even when asking for help could make things easier?
Why Do I Feel Like I Always Have to Be Strong?
Why do some men feel like they always have to be strong, even when carrying everything alone becomes exhausting?
Why Do Men Shut Down During Arguments?
Why do some men shut down during arguments, even when they care deeply about their partner and the relationship?
Why Do We Feel More Like Roommates Than Partners?
Why does your relationship feel more like roommates than partners—and how can you reconnect?